The 5 Stages of Female Drunkenness

You've read the 5 Stages of The Male Drunkenness, now it's time to spot the The 5 Stages of The Female Drunkenness.

Stage 1: UptightI'm sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't know asses could talk.

She's hot. She thinks she is at least. She also thinks that every guy in the club wants to talk to her and take her home. This is probably true. Take up the challenge or approach with caution, she might bruise your ego and, or, become a total waste of time.

Stage 2: OpenSo what do you do?

So she's had a drink or two and loosened up a bit. She's open to what you have to say to her or about yourself. Depending on her character and personality, this could be the start of a good night.

Stage 3: ImpressedWhat's brown and sticky? A stick?! I would never have guessed that one!

She's easily impressed by whatever you tell her. She even found your lame jokes to be extremely hilarious. Instead of being offended, she laughed when you asked if she'd go home with you because she's obviously thinking about it.

Stage 4: DopeyDid you just mention that you were in jail?

The music is getting louder in her head and she's had enough to drink. She's not even listening to you anymore, and for you, that's great news because you're going to trick her into getting in the car with you and try out your brand new, oh-so-comfortable bed.

Stage 5: GonerZzz.... *burp* zzz...

Should've tapped out at Stage 4. Let's hope she still has friends who can take care of her.

Disclaimer: This article was meant as a joke.